The fear of the unknown is something that I try really hard not to think about. I try to think of it as an adventure and visualize what I want the unknown to come to be. I used to have a serious problem with the fear of the unknown. I would send myself into panic attacks with never ending questions of “What if…?” My drive home from work took anywhere from 30-45 minutes. Within that short period of time, I would have created these horrible scenarios in my head and I’d be in tears by the time I got home. This didn’t start happening until after Kylie was born. Parenting fears are completely normal if you keep it in check. Mine was so out of control that I started going to a therapist to get a handle on it.
We had a trip planned to go to Cabo with our neighbors and I was thisclose to canceling it. The thought of getting on a plane, not just by myself but with Sean and something terrible happening to us was too much to handle. After a few months of therapy, I was able to keep it together long enough to make it to Mexico. My diagnosis – control freak. The fact that I had no control over the future or things that were not within my reach, completely freaked me out. I’ve learned to acknowledge when I am heading over the edge and I talk myself down. There are still things that set me off like driving so I’m the driver in the family. If I’m not behind the wheel, I turn into a basket case.
My previous career was in advertising and how this fear of the unknown never showed up then, I’ll never know. That’s one volatile industry. Lose a client, layoffs happen. Gain a client, hire people. Moving around from agency to agency was pretty common. For 15 years I either dodged the layoff bullet, found a new job before I was laid off or picked up a ton of freelance work right after getting laid off. Each time something happened, I was completely OK with it. Until this last time. Layoffs where happening and no one was hiring.
Getting laid off and using that opportunity to start a new career is pretty scary and exciting all at the same time. Building a business from scratch is tough. I think building a fitness business is even harder. Everyone needs light bulbs and they realize it’s a necessity. Everyone needs to be healthy, most people realize that is a fact but yet so many people don’t think it is a necessity. To go out and find those people and convince them that working out, sweating and being sore is a good thing and asking them to pay for it can be a difficult task. Throwing in there that I’m a CrossFit coach sometimes makes it even harder. That still scares people away. I am so extremely grateful for my clients that have put their trust in me and themselves and who continue to come back!
The fear of the unknown has slowly started to creep it’s way back in. These last six months have been extremely difficult financially. Summer is a really hard time to keep people working out. Lots of things seem to get in the way. A couple of times I’ve even thought about going back to work full-time. But now that school has started, things are slowly picking up and I’m confident again that this can work. I have to be ok with where we are at and be thankful for the opportunities that are in front of me. I can’t let the “what ifs” take over. I have to replace them with “when this happens”.
It’s been almost a year since I coached my first boot camp. I look back on the year and I’ve come a long way. I’ve never given up the dream and I’m going to continue to work towards it. I’ll be getting my CrossFit Olympic Lifting Certification in October and I’m so excited about that. I’m also going to be coaching kids through the Youth In Motion program in Austin. I’ll be teaching kids how to lead a healthy and active lifestyle through exercise and nutrition. The fitness part of it is based on the CrossFit Kids program which I am really excited about. It kills me to see kids that are overweight and having such a hard time. I believe that if we can teach our kids how to be healthy, they in turn can take that knowledge home and share it with their families. It’s never too early or too late to get on the healthy bandwagon.
Here’s to pushing away that fear of the unknown and charting the future the way I want it to go! Don’t ever stop believing! I think I’ll go turn on some Journey…