This is really, really hard.

Hold on to your seats because I have some breaking news: being a parent is really, really hard. Shocking right? I don’t care if you are a parent that works from home, works outside of the home or your job is to be home with the kids. It’s FREAKING hard.

Yesterday was one of my worst parenting days ever. My frustration with many things had been building and the top blew off yesterday. I’ve been trying to do it all and be the best at it. Here’s a rundown of my day. I’m sure most of you can relate. Feel free to substitute your own craziness if mine doesn’t match with what you are doing.
5:30 – wake up, get coffee going, start on kid’s lunches. Remember I was going to start getting up at 5:00 to get my workout in? Still not happening.
6:00 – 6:30 -Get Preston out of bed, repeatedly wake Kylie up and make breakfast. Back and forth to Kylie’s room to make sure she is up and getting dressed.
6:30 – get kids to the table to eat breakfast. Finish up lunches.
7:00 – Preston and Sean are out the door.
7:15 – I take Kylie to school.
7:30 – Back home to throw down some coffee and a quick breakfast.
8:00 – 9:00 – First training group of the day.
9:00 – 11:30 – Pick up the house, check email, go to the store, get a WOD in and then head to Austin to pick up Preston from preschool. I train a group in Austin on Wednesdays at 10:30 so email is about the only thing I get done those mornings.
12:30 – 2:15 – Back home with Preston, put him down for a nap, try to get my WOD done if I didn’t get it done in the morning.
2:15 – 3:00 – Get Preston up, walk to school to pick up Kylie on Tues and Thurs.
3:00 – 4:00 – Help Kylie with homework.
4:00 – 5:00 – Get dinner ready.
5:15 – 6:15 – Training group/boot camps.
6:30 – 7:00 – Dinner.
7:00 – 7:30 – Bath for kids.
7:30 – 8:00 – Attempt to get kids wound DOWN and in bed by 8.
8:00 – 10:30 – Finish whatever didn’t get done during the day.

I’m seriously not complaining – I love being able to do what I’m doing. It’s just really hard some days and I have to be ok with not getting everything done. In between doing all of my regularly scheduled stuff, there’s all the other stuff that comes up during the day. I’m still picking up freelancing gigs so I have that to work in as well. Again, not complaining – just pointing out the obvious which by the way, my clients and my husband say I’m really good at. Especially when I tell them they only have 1 more round to go on their WOD so they need to work harder.

Having everyone home over Spring break was a true test and a major eye opener for me as to what the summer is going to be like. I flipped out. I was done with telling kids to pick their stuff up, to close the door after they come in, to stop fighting, to get out of each others face, to stop yelling, to stop saying ‘stop it’, to get up and get it themselves, to stop throwing sand and on and on. You get the picture. At about 10:32 in the morning, my head blew off. I started crying. Uncontrollably. I threw some things and slammed a bunch of stuff down on the counter. I slammed a couple of doors. I picked up Sean’s belt that was laying on the ground and the buckle flew up and nailed me directly on my ankle and I think my head blew off a second time. I’m pretty sure I said every cuss word in the book.I have a really nice bruise as a reminder.

My kids were pretty freaked out. I know they say you shouldn’t lose it or cry around your kids but you know what? I felt like part of this was their fault so maybe they should see how upset I really was. I was done. I had hit my limit.

Sean came home around 2ish and was like, WTF? I let him have it too. There was plenty to go around for everyone.

I locked myself in the bathroom, took a really, really long shower and pulled myself together. I was emotionally drained and I had a class to coach that night. What the heck was I doing coaching people to be stronger when I was completely falling apart. Just goes to show that everyone is vulnerable. Even the people who you think are the strongest and have it all together, may not. You really have no idea who is locked in the bathroom crying.

Today is a new day. A better day and I’m stronger today than I was yesterday. I also have a new weapon to use when my kids act up. “Remember that day when I completely freaked out? You don’t want that to happen again do you?” Me either!


4 thoughts on “This is really, really hard.

  1. I feel you sista. I prefer the closet to hide in, though. Being at home with the kids 24/7 is REALLY TOUGH. Kisses.

  2. To the awesome Ms. Wray:

    I had the same meltdown about 6 weeks ago, and with only 1 kid. Life is way too hard & complicated these days. I wonder if (and how) the prairie wimmen dealt with their lives vs. what we do in the 21st century. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to go back to those simple times. Then again, I have no idea if it was simple, but I can romanticize it, can’t I?!

    The bottom line is, it’s a trade off and a balance, like everything in life. Great life, but I keep having cancer scares. Wonderful spouse, but I can’t have kids. I live in a great neighborhood, but the commute is a bitch (or a bastard). Great job, but it sucks the life out of me. Sexy legs, but I’ll always have a big ass. And so on, and so on…

    I think the best thing to do to keep your sanity is once you’re done living in the moment, quickly go back to the 50,000 foot view. Or else you’ll go insane. And it sounds like you know that. In the meantime, you’re not alone my sista. Keep sharing and know that your words help us all.

    You’re stil my Positive Polly hero!


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